cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
