There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize