I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My ass is underappreciated
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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