I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
