I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
