I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
