he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
