we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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