I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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