Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
