i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
