Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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