It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
