Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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