I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
