Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize