i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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