The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
there was a trapeze. enough said
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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