Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
