Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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