Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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