My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
