Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She bit a glass in half.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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