I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
