I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
