I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
