During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm just crazy horny about you
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
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