I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He better not be in your backpack
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
