HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
