Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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