This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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