Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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