he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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