Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
