just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Michael Bay diarrhea
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
