I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
