forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
