She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
