We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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