You just made me feel so damn special
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
