i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
