She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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