Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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