He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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