you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
