He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
