Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
