so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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