She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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