you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
