Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
