So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
