Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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