Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
