I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
