Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
