i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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