You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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