Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
