Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
