I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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