Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
