On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
