Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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