What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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