no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
only if we run a train.
done.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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